Strange search terms


One of my favorite parts of blogging (aside from, you know, sharing my OUTRAGEOUSLY USEFUL KNOWLEDGE with the world) is occasionally checking out how people have found my blog through search engines. The results always range from “yeah, that makes sense” to “WTF”.

Ignoring the obvious (“pollyheath”, “american girl in moscow”, and the like), here are a smattering of my top search terms:

“esl teacher sochi” – Above is a picture of me in Sochi. Not teaching… I feel bad for all the people that I’ve somehow tricked. I’m an ESL teacher and I’ve been to Sochi, but never have I been an ESL teacher in Sochi. Oops.

“american boy swimsuit” – WTF. Fourth most searched term. How? Why? I have so many questions…

“low price kitsch” – I mean, I haven’t been trying to be super classy, but jeez. I assume they’re searching and found my Izmailovo post, and that Google isn’t insinuating that I’m kitschy. Or low priced.

“reasons why a hedgehog is an awsome pet” – Obvious. Who doesn’t want a spiky, anti-social creature living in their second bedroom?!

“buy avocados in moscow” – Clearly many other expats are depressed by a lack of avocados in Moscow.

“incorrect girl in moscow” – :(

WordPress also unhelpfully includes 100+ labeled “unknown search terms” — what are they?!

Spill: if you have a blog, what’s your weirdest search term? It’s gotta be good, there are a lot of weirdos in the world!

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  • Reply eminthecaucasus June 15, 2013 at 5:11 pm

    “elvis bazroba” has got to be the strangest I’ve gotten. Multiple times!

    • Reply pollyheath June 15, 2013 at 6:34 pm

      Hmmm. Obviously you should capitalize on whatever that is and get some major traffic…

  • Reply Victor Tribunsky June 15, 2013 at 5:21 pm

    It is very interesting question. The most of search terms are relevant to my posts, I checked.

    • Reply pollyheath June 15, 2013 at 6:35 pm

      Yes, a lot of mine are quite normal, but some of them are very, very strange.

      • Reply Victor Tribunsky June 16, 2013 at 4:30 pm

        Yes. Today I read “wejsm mniie wejsm na rence”. What this persona has found in my blog I don’t know :-)

  • Reply christianrusso June 15, 2013 at 6:21 pm

    Seriously? Hedgehogs and American boys in swimsuits! Ha ha! Some of mine were funny, one wasn’t so funny. ‘Getting fat’ and ‘Getting fat games’ made me chuckle as did ‘macaque attacks’ and ‘macaque teeth’. I wasn’t so pumped about ‘drunk ang moh guys in clarke quay’. Ang mo is a Cantonese term that literally means ‘red hair’ and was used way back to denote white people in a sort of derogatory. Now, it’s commonly used in Singapore and not necessarily in a derogatory way but no one searching for that could’ve been looking for anything nice. Still, I had no idea I could do this so thank you for the tip and for the laughs!!

    • Reply pollyheath June 15, 2013 at 6:37 pm

      Oh no, gingers even get hate in Singapore! No rest for the soul-less, I suppose. I also had one or two obviously anti-foreigner search terms pop up, but a lot of them are just quite strange. Glad I could give you a little laugh!

  • Reply Mjollnir June 15, 2013 at 8:51 pm

    One of my favourites was ‘über stinky’! Dunno if that’s the blog they were looking for or me :-D

  • Reply Expat Eye June 15, 2013 at 11:28 pm

    “nude mature latvian women for dating sex marriage”. Shudder.

    • Reply pollyheath June 16, 2013 at 10:11 am

      That’s kind of frighteningly specific. I hope they eventually found what they were looking for…?

      • Reply Expat Eye June 16, 2013 at 1:29 pm

        That’s the thing – we never know… As long as they’re not en route to my door, I’m happy enough!

  • Reply ladyofthecakes June 15, 2013 at 11:44 pm

    Let’s see…off the top of my head, I’ve had quite a few searching for a “multilingual porn woman” … and one my my absolute faves ever was “Went abroad didn’t like it shan’t go there again”, lol.

    • Reply pollyheath June 16, 2013 at 10:12 am

      re “muntilingual porn woman” – I think it’s fantastic that people want to combine pleasure and education! We should have more of it.

      re “went abroad” – you wonder if they were looking for juicy stories or just affirmations that it was ok not to go abroad…

  • Reply lauretabcn June 16, 2013 at 12:24 am

    LOL I loved the one about avocados! Please, let me know if you find it out :D
    My favourite one: “Laura Morales es gato?” (“Is Laura Morales cat?”) WTF!! Well, yes, my name is Laura Morales and the answer is no, I’m NOT A CAT :/ But still I don’t understand the question…

    • Reply pollyheath June 16, 2013 at 10:14 am

      Avocados are so hit or miss here. Almost everywhere sells them, but 70% of the time they’re just rocks.

      I’m glad to know (but a bit disappointed) that you’re not a cat.

  • Reply Nicolette June 16, 2013 at 7:45 pm

    Hey! I am super in love with your blog right now so I nominated you for a Liebster Award. Go to my page to check it out and see what to do next!

    • Reply pollyheath June 16, 2013 at 9:47 pm

      Thanks! I see you’re from Morgantown — not too far from my home in America!

  • Reply A Collection of Musings June 16, 2013 at 7:45 pm

    Someone searched for this ‘how do you think public transport could be improved’ and they found my post

  • Reply M June 16, 2013 at 8:16 pm

    yes… I get a lot for “mamma and the plumber”… is that some kind of porno I am unaware of?

    • Reply pollyheath June 16, 2013 at 9:49 pm

      With that name it must be some weird Italian porno you haven’t heard of. Must be.

  • Reply tiffanyschoolfield June 17, 2013 at 9:40 am

    haha! This was great :) My weirdest one so far has been ‘suck m.’ Not sure what that’s about, but I doubt I’ll ever know!

  • Reply MontgomeryFest June 17, 2013 at 10:22 pm

    But, seriously. What are they??! We get a whole lot of searches with ‘hipster’ in it. …? I did get one for ‘back mama’ (I can’t decide if that’s better than american boy in swimsuit…actually, nevermind. just typing that creeped me out.) and yesterday had one for ‘can i park my car in front of my driveway’…I hope they found their answer.

    • Reply pollyheath June 17, 2013 at 10:53 pm

      the sheer amount of crazy searches (particularly ones that lead to totally unrelated pages) both humbles and terrifies me!

  • Reply princesscherri June 18, 2013 at 3:59 pm

    Just had a look at mine for this month and got: ‘sometimes you really cant tell people how you feel’ okay,’escort girl novosibirsk yulia’ oh dear.., ‘people squashed into public transport’ lol ‘sibiria girls in ski resort photos’ specific!

    • Reply pollyheath June 18, 2013 at 9:24 pm

      I really like how oddly specific all of your searches are. And how many of these expat blogs seem to come up when looking for escorts. Hmmmm…

  • Reply artmoscow July 3, 2013 at 8:07 pm

    A lot of people are googled over to me via “Ugly nude women” and its maniacal variations. That’s a bit worrying, though I know which post is responsible.

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