Strange search terms

One of my favorite parts of blogging (aside from, you know, sharing my OUTRAGEOUSLY USEFUL KNOWLEDGE with the world) is occasionally checking out how people have found my blog through search engines. The results always range from “yeah, that makes sense” to “WTF”.

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Ignoring the obvious (“pollyheath”, “american girl in moscow”, and the like), here are a smattering of my top search terms:

“esl teacher sochi” – Above is a picture of me in Sochi. Not teaching… I feel bad for all the people that I’ve somehow tricked. I’m an ESL teacher and I’ve been to Sochi, but never have I been an ESL teacher in Sochi. Oops.

“american boy swimsuit” – WTF. Fourth most searched term. How? Why? I have so many questions…

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“low price kitsch” – I mean, I haven’t been trying to be super classy, but jeez. I assume they’re searching and found my Izmailovo post, and that Google isn’t insinuating that I’m kitschy. Or low priced.

“reasons why a hedgehog is an awsome pet” – Obvious. Who doesn’t want a spiky, anti-social creature living in their second bedroom?!

“buy avocados in moscow” – Clearly many other expats are depressed by a lack of avocados in Moscow.

“incorrect girl in moscow” – :(

WordPress also unhelpfully includes 100+ labeled “unknown search terms” — what are they?!

Spill: if you have a blog, what’s your weirdest search term? It’s gotta be good, there are a lot of weirdos in the world!

30 Comments

  • June 15, 2013 - 5:11 pm | Permalink

    “elvis bazroba” has got to be the strangest I’ve gotten. Multiple times!

    • June 15, 2013 - 6:34 pm | Permalink

      Hmmm. Obviously you should capitalize on whatever that is and get some major traffic…

  • June 15, 2013 - 5:21 pm | Permalink

    It is very interesting question. The most of search terms are relevant to my posts, I checked.

    • June 15, 2013 - 6:35 pm | Permalink

      Yes, a lot of mine are quite normal, but some of them are very, very strange.

      • June 16, 2013 - 4:30 pm | Permalink

        Yes. Today I read “wejsm mniie wejsm na rence”. What this persona has found in my blog I don’t know :-)

  • June 15, 2013 - 6:21 pm | Permalink

    Seriously? Hedgehogs and American boys in swimsuits! Ha ha! Some of mine were funny, one wasn’t so funny. ‘Getting fat’ and ‘Getting fat games’ made me chuckle as did ‘macaque attacks’ and ‘macaque teeth’. I wasn’t so pumped about ‘drunk ang moh guys in clarke quay’. Ang mo is a Cantonese term that literally means ‘red hair’ and was used way back to denote white people in a sort of derogatory. Now, it’s commonly used in Singapore and not necessarily in a derogatory way but no one searching for that could’ve been looking for anything nice. Still, I had no idea I could do this so thank you for the tip and for the laughs!!

    • June 15, 2013 - 6:37 pm | Permalink

      Oh no, gingers even get hate in Singapore! No rest for the soul-less, I suppose. I also had one or two obviously anti-foreigner search terms pop up, but a lot of them are just quite strange. Glad I could give you a little laugh!

  • June 15, 2013 - 8:51 pm | Permalink

    One of my favourites was ‘├╝ber stinky’! Dunno if that’s the blog they were looking for or me :-D

  • June 15, 2013 - 11:28 pm | Permalink

    “nude mature latvian women for dating sex marriage”. Shudder.

    • June 16, 2013 - 10:11 am | Permalink

      That’s kind of frighteningly specific. I hope they eventually found what they were looking for…?

      • June 16, 2013 - 1:29 pm | Permalink

        That’s the thing – we never know… As long as they’re not en route to my door, I’m happy enough!

  • June 15, 2013 - 11:44 pm | Permalink

    Let’s see…off the top of my head, I’ve had quite a few searching for a “multilingual porn woman” … and one my my absolute faves ever was “Went abroad didn’t like it shan’t go there again”, lol.

    • June 16, 2013 - 10:12 am | Permalink

      re “muntilingual porn woman” – I think it’s fantastic that people want to combine pleasure and education! We should have more of it.

      re “went abroad” – you wonder if they were looking for juicy stories or just affirmations that it was ok not to go abroad…

  • lauretabcn
    June 16, 2013 - 12:24 am | Permalink

    LOL I loved the one about avocados! Please, let me know if you find it out :D
    My favourite one: “Laura Morales es gato?” (“Is Laura Morales cat?”) WTF!! Well, yes, my name is Laura Morales and the answer is no, I’m NOT A CAT :/ But still I don’t understand the question…

    • June 16, 2013 - 10:14 am | Permalink

      Avocados are so hit or miss here. Almost everywhere sells them, but 70% of the time they’re just rocks.

      I’m glad to know (but a bit disappointed) that you’re not a cat.

  • June 16, 2013 - 7:45 pm | Permalink

    Hey! I am super in love with your blog right now so I nominated you for a Liebster Award. Go to my page to check it out and see what to do next!

    • June 16, 2013 - 9:47 pm | Permalink

      Thanks! I see you’re from Morgantown — not too far from my home in America!

  • June 16, 2013 - 7:45 pm | Permalink

    Someone searched for this ‘how do you think public transport could be improved’ and they found my post http://acollectionofmusings.wordpress.com/2013/05/03/public-transport-could-be-improved-by-removing-the-public/
    Whoops

  • June 16, 2013 - 8:16 pm | Permalink

    yes… I get a lot for “mamma and the plumber”… is that some kind of porno I am unaware of?

    • June 16, 2013 - 9:49 pm | Permalink

      With that name it must be some weird Italian porno you haven’t heard of. Must be.

  • June 17, 2013 - 9:40 am | Permalink

    haha! This was great :) My weirdest one so far has been ‘suck m.’ Not sure what that’s about, but I doubt I’ll ever know!

  • June 17, 2013 - 10:22 pm | Permalink

    But, seriously. What are they??! We get a whole lot of searches with ‘hipster’ in it. …? I did get one for ‘back mama’ (I can’t decide if that’s better than american boy in swimsuit…actually, nevermind. just typing that creeped me out.) and yesterday had one for ‘can i park my car in front of my driveway’…I hope they found their answer.

    • June 17, 2013 - 10:53 pm | Permalink

      the sheer amount of crazy searches (particularly ones that lead to totally unrelated pages) both humbles and terrifies me!

  • June 18, 2013 - 3:59 pm | Permalink

    Just had a look at mine for this month and got: ‘sometimes you really cant tell people how you feel’ okay,’escort girl novosibirsk yulia’ oh dear.., ‘people squashed into public transport’ lol ‘sibiria girls in ski resort photos’ specific!

    • June 18, 2013 - 9:24 pm | Permalink

      I really like how oddly specific all of your searches are. And how many of these expat blogs seem to come up when looking for escorts. Hmmmm…

  • July 3, 2013 - 8:07 pm | Permalink

    A lot of people are googled over to me via “Ugly nude women” and its maniacal variations. That’s a bit worrying, though I know which post is responsible.

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